The Portal of EPICOCITY!:  Sonikku
by TheSponsor
Summary: Inspired by a story by iggy4eva.  Random violence.  *shrug*


I read a story called The Adventures of Me and Light after I Kidnap Him! by iggy4eva. I showed my brother. He thought it was wrong... I don't know what he meant... Anyway, I got the itch to bring some characters to my world, and use the word EPICOCITY!

None of my friends' names have been changed because I don't really give a flying monkey toss.

I don't own Sonic or any of his friends. If I did, he wouldn't have been in Sonic and the Black Knight, and Elise would've died. *evil snicker* Stupid, orange-legged cow. Also, Jason Griffith would still be Sonic's voice actor. CURSE YOU SONIC COLOURS!

The Portal of EPICOCITY!

Sonic the Hedgehog

I pressed the big red button. The giant, mechanical ring I had set up in the bathtub whirred and spun around.

"I thought you're never supposed to press the big red button," said my little brother, James.

"Silence, mortal!" I cried. "You're tiny, human brain is incapable of comprehending the brilliance of a plan as EXTREME as mine!"

James glared at me and smacked me over the back of the head. I stuck out my bottom lip in self-pity.

"Why does it look like a stargate?" James asked.

I gasped as I suddenly realised that it looked like a stargate. I ran to the phone and called my cousins who lived next door.

"Daniel, I have a stargate in my bathtub!"

Daniel didn't reply. He handed the phone to Kris.

"Hello?"

"Kris, I have a stargate in my bathtub!"

"I will be right there!"

I ran back to the bathroom and kicked my brother in the back. He raised one eyebrow at me.

"Kris is coming over."

"Not Daniel?"

"I dunno. He thinks he's too cool for us."

Kris came over. Daniel didn't. I broke Kris' glasses and commanded him to go back and bring him over. He came back with a fresh pair of spectacles and Daniel tied up and gagged.

Sonic the Hedgehog suddenly appeared in the stargate and fell into the bathtub.

"SONIKKU!"

I pulled him out and threw him at Daniel's head. They both fell over on the tiles. Daniel banged his head and fell unconscious.

Sonic groaned and squinted up at the light. "Ugh... Where am I?"

"My bathroom," I answered bluntly.

Elise dropped through the stargate. I pulled a dagger from my boot and threw it at Elise's forehead. She died. :)

"ELISE!" Sonic screamed.

"Oh, don't give me that. You've never met her. You know, paradox."

"Oh, yeah."

"Well, I see this is leaving my area of expertise," Kris observed as he threw Daniel's limp body over his shoulder. "Tell me if anyone from Farscape drops by."

"Will do."

Kris left.

"Seriously, though," Sonic continued. "Why am I here?"

James and I shrugged.

Shadow, Manic, and Tails fell through the stargate.

"Awesome," James nodded. "Hey, Tails, I've always wanted to ask you why you have two tails."

"So I can fly."

"You have a plane. That's another thing. How can a ten-year-old fly a plane? It's stupid!"

James ripped off one of Tails' tail and beat him to death with it.

"All the smexy hedgies are here!" I trilled, bouncing up and down with glee.

Silver jumped through the stargate. "What about me?"

"What about you?"

I snatched Manic's drumsticks and hit Silver on the head with them until he ran back into the stargate.

"Wait, don't you have youth group tonight?" James asked.

"OMIGOSH! YOU IS RIGHT, J-BOB!"

I stuffed Sonic, Shadow, and Manic into a potato sack and ran out the door. Dad drove me. We picked up pizza. I ate all eight pizzas before we got there. My tummy hurt.

Jess and Sarah glomped me. Cooper went to, but I smacked him over the head with my bag of hedgies.

"Where's the pizzas?" Liam asked.

I burped. He passed out from the smell. Ross dropped to his knees by his side and cried.

"NOOOOOOOO! LIAM! WHY?" Ross scooped up Liam's limp body and ran off sobbing.

"What's in the bag?" Ella queried.

I opened the bag.

"ME!" exclaimed Manic.

"OMT!" Sarah screamed. "A GREEN, TALKING HEDGEHOG WITH CONNECTY EYES!"

Hunter and I high-fived, even though Hunter didn't know who Manic was.

Sonic crawled out and tried to run away, but I grabbed him by the wrist.

"You crazy, lady!" he shrieked.

"Yep, pretty much," I boasted.

Shadow stepped out of the sack.

"Yay! It's what's-his-face!" Jess cheered as she glomped him.

Shadow squealed like a schoolgirl and used chaos control to disappear. I was sad. I lost my dark and mysterious hedgie.

"Hey!" Scott interrupted. "You haven't paid yet."

"Oh, yeah." I reached into my pocket for my wallet, but it wasn't there. I reached into Manic's vest and found it.

"How dare you steal from Karynne!" Sarah spat. She sat on Manic until he ran out of oxygen. I was sad. I lost my bad-boy, drummer hedgie.

I realised that I was still holding Sonic by the wrist. I was about to let him go again when there was a bright flash and Amy Rose dropped out of the sky.

"SONIKKU!" Amy tackled Sonic to the ground.

"Whoa! How'd that happen?" Ella squealed.

"Hm... I seem to have created a gap in time and space. Maybe it'll get fixed if we get rid of everyone that came through it."

"Sure!" Hunter piped. She kicked Amy into the middle of the hall. Alex accidentally stepped on her.

"AAAAHHH! LEXY, YOU STEPPED ON AMY!"

Alex had a heart attack and died. Scott looked over his shoulder and shrugged at the tragic death of his girlfriend.

I wasn't sad... about Amy. I was displeased about Alex.

"That wasn't what I had in mind, Hunter."

Sonic went Dark Super Sonic and roared angrily at me.

"Really... Is that the best you got?"

"Well, uh, yeah."

Sonic calmed down.

"So, you wanna get a drink?" I offered.

"Sure."

"Oh, we have to go get that Japanese energy drink with Sonic on it from the Anime shop!" Jess suggested.

Ross came running back at the mention of the Anime shop. "Let's roll!"

Sonic carried us all to the shops because he's just strong like that. We got the energy drinks and opened them in unison. I wasn't allowed energy drinks, and this was my first. My eyes grew wide. Ross twitched a little. Jess jumped onto the roof and did the chicken dance. Sonic involuntarily went Super Sonic and flew around in circles.

"Let's go nuts!" I whooped.

Cooper, who no one was aware was with us, popped out of the bushes. "Let's have fun by obeying the rules!" he suggested excitedly. I threw my empty can at his head.

"Why do you hurt your friends so?" Sonic asked me.

"I have no friends!" I covered my face with my hands and cried dramatically. Jess gave me a pat on the back, but Ross didn't even notice. He kept twitching.

"I'll be your friend," Sonic offered.

"YAY!" I hugged Sonic.

"Can I be your friend, too?" Jess asked.

"You are my friend, Nee-chan. What are you talking about?"

Ross fell over onto the ground and continued twitching.

"Hey, Sonic, I'll race you."

"Where to?"

I pointed to a random man walking across the street. Sonic sped over, tapped the man on his bald head, and came back before I could even blink.

"THAT WAS SO TOTALLY AWESOME!"

Knuckles dropped out of the sky and landed on Cooper. Cooper groaned, not really awake yet.

"Maybe we should fix the crack in space and time," said Jess.

"You're right," I agreed. "It's starting to get a little weird."

"Starting?" Sonic echoed, the yellow fading away as he changed back from Super Sonic. "You stuffed me in a sack and killed my brother and three of my friends."

"Elise doesn't count. Paradox."

"Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting that."

"But you remember Elise." I collapsed on the ground and tried to drown myself in a puddle of my own tears.

Ross was still twitching and began foaming at the mouth.

"Where am I?" Knuckles grunted.

"No idea," Sonic answered.

"What's that?" Knuckles asked, pointing the energy drink in Sonic's hand.

"It's mine, that's what." Sonic quickly the gulped the rest of his drink and took me and Knuckles back to my house.

Jess sighed and started walking home, leaving Cooper and Ross lying on the ground.

Back home, Mum and James were sitting on the couch.

"Oh, hey, Sonic," Mum greeted as if this was all perfectly normal, "and, uh... red guy..."

"I'm Knuckles."

"You'll be dead if you don't be quiet!" I barked. I scrunched him into a ball and stuffed him into a random shoe on the shoe rack.

"Please stop killing people," said Sonic, obviously getting used to me.

I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him violently. "I can't! I can't stop! Please, Sonic, help me!"

Sonic pulled away. His stomach growled and he casually opened the fridge.

"There is no chilli dogs in my home," I informed.

"I eat things besides chilli dogs."

"Oh, yeah? What things?"

"Non... chilli dog... things..."

"Shh!" James hissed. "I can't hear the movie!"

I punched the TV and the screen shattered. Mum sighed.

"Come on, Sonic. We're not wanted here."

I dragged sonic into the bathroom.

"I guess this is goodbye then," I said quietly.

Sonic looked at the corpses of Elise and Tails.

"You want to leave me, don't you?" I screamed. "You think I'm crazy!"

Sonic didn't respond. He jumped through the stargate.

I banged my head up against the wall and began crying again.

James opened the door. I ignored him. He watched me hurt myself for a while before speaking. "He went through the stargate?"

"I've decided to call it the portal of EPICOCITY. Stargate might have some copyright issues."

"The portal of epicocity?" James repeated.

"No, the portal of EPICOCITY."

James stared at me for a couple of minutes. He punched me in the temple. Everything went black.


End file.
